..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
