Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
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This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
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We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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