Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
