Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
