i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
