as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
