i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
