when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
