you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
