we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
