My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
