I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
