margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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