The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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