This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
