period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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