Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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