If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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