Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
