i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Found the puke drawer
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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