And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
