there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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