Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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