Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
