My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
