It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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