I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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