I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
