I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
