Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
