pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
