Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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