dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Im part way to drunk.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
