The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm sobbing to NWA
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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