Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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