Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
