Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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