Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
