her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Be still, my beating vagina.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
