I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
