our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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