It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
is wine microwaveable?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
