I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
