I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Also, beer. Big fan.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
