Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
