I wish my penis had an off switch
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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