This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
