i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
where does the pee come out of this thing
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just forgot I was standing up.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
