she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Randomize
