Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
