Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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