all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
