if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
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