Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
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If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
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I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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