she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
