the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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