He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
