Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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