I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
