Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
