I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
