"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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