Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
